There are nights where the air feels suffocatingly thin. Where you lay in bed and your chest physically aches and you wonder how a heart can keep beating when it feels like it’s been shattered into dust. The silence is loud but the questions are louder. When you cry out, “Lord.. why?” 

Have you been there? I have. I still won’t share details, because some stories are still tender and some wounds are still healing. And if I’m honest, I’m still hoping and believing I won’t have to share the story at all, because of the miracle I’m waiting on. But I will share that I have walked through a fracture so sudden and so deep it felt like the ground disappeared beneath my feet. The world felt like it collapsed, and my sight went black in a matter of seconds. A situation that, from every logical and worldly perspective, looks finished. Unfixable. 

And heartbreak is not cute when you’re in it. I can make aesthetic posts on instagram and I can write these encouraging blogs but trust me my hands are trembling on the keys when typing and tears are falling. It’s turned into panic attacks in the Walmart bathroom, because for some reason grocery shopping has been a trigger, oddly. It’s losing my appetite, hair falling out, hive breakouts, my cycle has been non existent for the last 4 months, the energy to do anything that I love is gone, waking up in the middle of the night from horrible nightmares, playing worship music while crying on the kitchen floor because it’s all I can bare sometimes. I destroyed my one bible and now my new one just has tear stains on almost every page. There are days where I want to unzip out of my body and run away from this pain and the feeling of grief. I’ve asked God, “Why would you allow this?” 

“Did I hear you wrong?”

“Are you still good?” 

And if we’re honest, sometimes faith is not a cute bible study coffee date with your girl friends. Sometimes it’s gripping the edge of the altar and saying, “I will not let go, even in this.” 

Here’s the wild part though, and I’ll touch on this more in my next blog, but my faith has never been stronger than it is at this moment. Because when everything else is stripped away, you find out what you actually believe about God.

I have prayed until I’ve lost my voice, I’ve casted out spirits until I was blue in the face, speaking the name of Jesus into places that feel heavy with oppression. I have worshiped with my hands lifted high until I couldn’t feel my arms anymore, not out of performance but out of deep respect and gratitude for God. And I have hit my knees in surrender, forehead pressed to the floor more times than I can count. Sounds dramatic when you say it out loud but I’ve been battling in a war. Not the kind with visible weapons but the kind that scripture talks about. In Ephesians 6:12 it says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against rulers, authorities, and spiritual forces of evil. 

The kind of war that takes over your home if not covered. The kind that attacks your mind in the middle of the night. The kind that tries to convince you to give up, to grow cold, to harden your heart towards God, to stop obeying God, and to stop believing in His truth. And when you realize the war, you stop fighting casually and you start fighting in the spirit. You fight with scripture when your thoughts spiral. You fight with worship and prayer. You fight with obedience when it would be easier to numb out. You fight with forgiveness and gratitude when bitterness feels more justified. Because this isn’t about the circumstance. It’s about souls. It’s about faith. Satan would love nothing more than to write the end of your story. He wants your pain to make you crazy. He wants your disappointment to make you hard hearted. And he wants you to blame God and turn away in times of struggle. But I refuse to let suffering steal my belief in a miracle working God. 

And that’s what we’re going to chat about!

I heard someone say recently that God needs to show up more these days. That miracles were performed left and right in scripture. Blind eyes were opened, demons were casted out, the dead raised, storms silenced, but we don’t see that anymore. 

And part of me understood and kind of agreed. 

But here’s where I gently push back on that. 

Maybe we don’t see as many miracles because we stopped believing for them. Somewhere along the way our faith has gotten soft, tidy, maybe polite and manageable. We still pray, go to church on Sundays, highlight verses in our bible and still take up our cross daily. But when was the last time you prayed something that actually required God to move? When was the last time you actually brought something to the feet of Jesus Christ? When was the last time we actually had a faith that believed in something that looked impossible? 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “I prayed about something for a little bit but nothing happened, so I guess it just wasn’t God’s will.” 

Respectfully… no! 

God’s timing is not Amazon Prime.

Just because you don’t see immediate change does not mean Heaven is silent. It does not mean God is not moving. It does not mean pack up your faith and prayers and move on. You need to keep praying and believe without a doubt that God will come through in a mighty and powerful way. 

Scripture says in Ephesians 3:20 that He is able to do “immeasurably more than we ask or imagine.” Not mildly. Not slightly above. And in the King James version it states it as, “exceedingly abundantly above.” That doesn’t sound like a small, powerless God to me.

I have a very close friend in Christ, whom I deeply respect and admire tell me recently, “Savanah, there is no hope for your situation anymore. It’s done.” 

And I’ll be honest, I was taken back a little bit. Not because I’m blind or naive to my situation. Not because I’m unaware of the things that are happening. I can see the damage. I can see that it looks pretty broken. But I was grieved at the idea that a sibling in Christ and also a good friend declared something hopeless. Since when do we as Christians only believe what we can see? In 2 Corinthians 5:7, we’re reminded that we “walk by faith, not by sight.” 

From a worldly lens, certain situations, even my own, look dead and buried. Too damaged. Too broken. But we serve a God who resurrects. The same God who brought Lazarus out of the grave, who shut the mouths of lions, saved three men from a fire, the one who parted the Red Sea when there was no other escape route. And ultimately we serve a God who rolled away the stone and defeated death. 

Tell me, did that God lose His power or did we stop having faith in His power? 

Jeremiah 32:27 says, “I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?” 

The answer is no! 

Some people have asked me “Why do you still want this?”

“How will you ever heal?”

“How could you ever get this back to what it was?”

“How will you recover?”

And my answer is the same every single time and it’s simple, “With God.”

There simply is no other way. God changes hearts, He moves mountains, He meets us where we’re at, He convicts, He redeems, He heals what looks shattered beyond repair. And even if the miracle doesn’t look like how I imagined it, I still refuse to believe that God is absent. 

Here’s something else I’ve learned. 

We say miracles don’t happen anymore, but I think sometimes we’re just not looking. For the first few months of this hard season, I was laser focused on that one big miracle. The one I desperately wanted and prayed daily for. And because I was so fixated on that outcome, I missed the smaller ways God was showing up. Until one night, I was in one of my long and tear filled prayer sessions and I felt the Lord gently nudge me, “Look around.”

I grabbed my notebook and I started writing a list. Friends and community that literally appeared in front of me at the perfect time. Counsel that came when I needed it. Job opportunities. Being set free from anxiety. Financial provision. Unexpected encouragement. A deeper knowledge of His word. A stronger relationship with Him. And somehow, He’s used my trials to pour into other people and point them back to Him. I ended up filling almost two pages of God’s goodness that had happened in only one month at the point. Even though the one prayer I’m waiting for hasn’t happened yet, I can see how all the little answered prayers are weaving together. Almost like God has been preparing me and refining me. Strengthening me and healing parts of me that needed healing long before this storm even began. Maybe I needed these more hidden answered prayers in order to teach me to steward the bigger one. And even if that one I’m hoping for doesn’t unfold how I picture, I can see that God is repairing my heart. 

Romans 8:28 says “God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purpose.”  All things. Not just the things that make sense or look pretty or would be easy. All things. He does everything with intention. He wastes nothing. And if you’re praying for something and it feels like nothing is happening, can I gently ask you something? I had to ask myself this question too but have you asked God how you’re meant to move first? Before God blesses, sometimes He refines. Is there unrepentant sin lingering? Is there unforgiveness tucked away in your heart? Are you stewarding what He’s already given you? Are you walking in obedience to His word? In Luke 16:10 we’re told that whoever is faithful with little can be trusted with much. Sometimes our breakthrough isn’t waiting on God, it’s God waiting on us. 

If things aren’t moving…

If you feel stuck…

If emotions and hearts aren’t changing…

If life just feels dull, stagnant, heavy, boring, etc…

It’s not punishment or abandonment. It’s the breakthrough waiting on your obedience. Sometimes God is ready to move but He’s asking, “Will you trust me enough to surrender?” The miracle is usually on the other side of surrender because God cares more about your heart and your faith than your comfort in trying to do it on your own. And unfortunately, sometimes, the circumstances still don’t change and that just because we live in a fallen world that is full of sin. But take heart because even if the situation doesn’t change, but YOU change and your faith grows stronger, that in itself is a miracle. 

Scripture promises that He will never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). That means even in the nights where your chest aches and your prayers feel repetitive and you’re tired of hoping… He is still there. Seeking. Listening. Moving. 

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). That’s not a suggestion. That’s an invitation and a promise. 

Friends, do not let anyone tell you your prayers are too big. Do not let anyone declare hopelessness over something God has not declared dead. And do not, absolutely do not give hell the final word over something God is still more than capable of redeeming. The enemy does not get to decide the ending of a story God is still writing. There are things this world calls irreparable that God calls redeemable.

Hear this clearly. Brokenness is not God’s design. Restoration is.  

Hope is not naive when it’s anchored in Christ. Hope is powerful. And here is what I know down to my bones, the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead is the same power that lives in you. That means your situation is not beyond Him.

It may be beyond you.

It may be beyond logic. 

It may be beyond what the world thinks can be fixed.

But it is not beyond God. Nothing is too broken or too impossible for Him.

So keep praying. Keep seeking Him. Keep trusting Him. Even when you’re tired. Even when you’re disappointed. Even when the timeline stretches longer than you hoped. He sees you. He hears you. He is working whether you see it or not. And He loves you more than you could ever fully know or explain. 

And miracles? They still happen. So don’t give up hope in yours. 

• S.W.